8 Simple Rules for Dumping a Beck-Like Idiot
Posted by admin on August 11th, 2010
This list of dating do’s is for the daters out there unfortunate enough to be lip locking with a Glenn Beck fan – or worse, a Beck-like idiot. You know the type: lying, cheating, crying, whining, anti-choice, accuses you of being a communist – all the reasons otherwise peaceful people turn to violence.
Not that there aren’t enough singles out there who hate Beck. You can use these rules to actually avoid ending up with a red-faced racist moron. But if you’re with someone sharing Glenn’s attributes, it’s time to run for the hills. No, you can’t change them. Yes, they will try to hold you hostage. No, it won’t be pretty.
The Becks of the world can lurk around anywhere, waiting to pounce on unsuspecting singles. Whether using dating sites or stalking bars, the Becks are out there and they’re actually growing in force. Scary!
Rule 1: No hesitation
Once you realize you’ve been Becked, make the conscious decision to end it. “Love” might be holding you back, but just check out an episode of Beck to see you future. It’s better to end it quickly.
Rule 2: Script it
This may seem a little too movie-esque for some of you, but it’s worth it. Becks of the world will try to throw you off with propaganda and, if that doesn’t work, crocodile tears to earn sympathy. Have your breakup soliloquy ready to go and get ready to deliver it.
Rule 3: Fight the nerves and handle it
You don’t need a dating doctor to tell you it’s going to be tough if you care—or feel pity for—this person. But just take a deep breath and deliver the news.
Rule 4: Let your partner know the reasons
You may not want to hurt them, but it’s important that you tell them exactly why you’re breaking up. An idiot never knows they’re an idiot. It’s a perk of being an idiot. It may seem cruel but you have to lay it on the line.
Rule 5: Don’t argue with Idiots
After you lay it out there, stand your ground. Don’t fall victim to their pleading. Conventional breakup wisdom would have you stick around and lend your shoulder. But that’s bad news with Beck.
Rule 6: End on a respectful note
Whether you’re throwing your partner out or deciding yourself to leave, wish them the best and walk away. Sure, you may want to lash out and scream on them about just how much you hate their idiotic ways, but then you’d be no better than Beck. The proverbial words left unsaid can always be spoken at a later date. Besides, you’ve been subjected to an idiot long enough.
Rule 7: Confide in someone
This may have been difficult for you and it may have been easy. Either way, confide in a friend for support. It’s going to help down the road when the little Beckster starts stalking you.
Rule 8: Ignore the contact
Anyone who knows Beck knows that this type of person won’t give up. They’re going to leave moaning and whaling messages on your phone, little sad faces on your twitter, and probably even grovel to your friends about the breakup. Once your back is turned, leave it that way. You’ll be far better off.
If you ever see a Beck in person and can’t get away with slapping the bejesus out of them, at least avoid their advances and never, ever end up dating one.
Loading ...